“Do you turn our pee back into water? And is that what we’re drinking right now?” from my middle.
These are the questions that are posed to me … in the morning … before coffee.
I’m worried that the kids only memory of me will be the confused, disgusted look on my face that I seem to give them on a daily basis.
And, of course, like any normal mom (?), I indulge.
“Why, yes, AD. I gather up all your pee from the toilets and spend my days like a mad scientist – adding chemicals, stirring mixtures, freeze drying things (I don’t know?) – all the while laughing maniacally about what I’m about to do to you kids”
AD: “No, really, Mom. Do you?”
They don’t fall for my BS anymore. It’s kind of sad.
Honestly, though, if it wasn’t for these bizarro questions, I’m not sure I would ever laugh. I mean between all the crap going on in the world today and all the scary shit I have to worry about in relation to these munchkins … I secretly love these questions.
I’ve been trying over the last year to really “stay in the moment” or “be present” or “shut my brain up” or “get a lobotomy”. It ain’t easy! I’ve literally felt anymore that a cloud is hanging over my head with the 5 bazillion things I have to do within it. I just reach up during the day and grab whatever task hits my hand first. “Oh, that’s right! I was supposed to do that … six months ago. Whoops!” I wish I could say that I’m mortified by all these lapses, but they’ve become so routine now that I’ve become numb to the blinding embarrassment and shame.
So I’ll take these questions and then some. These guys are my muses anyway … and I love to indulge.
“Do you think the dog talks when we’re not around?”