Flush the Toilet

(Warning: Do not read this post while eating)

Ok, there are some things I talk about and write about where I wonder if I’m the only one feeling or thinking a certain way. I know for a FACT that this is NOT the case with this subject. I’m gonna write about it anyway, because it makes me so damn crazy.

Somebody PLEASE FLUSH THE GODDAMN TOILET!!!

No, really. Go flush it. Now.

Did you not hear me?

Go!

NOW!

These animals living in my house (otherwise known as the boys) NEVER flush the toilet. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve walked in to a pile of crap floating in, clogging, or “some other gross term”-ing the toilet.

Look, people, I wiped shit off of your baby butts for years! YEARS! Up the back, down the leg, on my shirt, on my hands, on your hands, on your heads (how??), and even your feet. I am DONE looking at crap. I don’t even look at my own crap. By the way, you should always look at your crap – according to Dr. Oz – so you know if you’re healthy. I already know I’m not, so I bypass this.

Why, why, WHY?! It just feels like the epitome of uncleanliness. And god knows this house is not clean. So when I see that, I go into a shame spiral that’s disguised by anger and violence. And by violence, I mean viciously taking my index finger and hard core flushing that toilet myself!!! Cause that always shows that you mean business. To the toilet, anyway.

All I can come up with is an incentive system to get them to flush. Should I give them an M&M every time they flush? I know when I give the dog a biscuit he listens to me. Or a point system? Where they can earn something. I’m sorry but this is just so ridiculous I can’t even believe I’m writing it. Just FLUSH THE TOILET. There should be no need for a “reward chart”.

I’m not even going to go into the disgustingness of cleaning the toilet. I’ll save that for another post you can’t read while eating either. Something to look forward to perhaps?

I know people say you need to “pick your battles” and maybe some would say this isn’t one to worry about. But I’m going to war. I’m putting my battle gear on and going rogue! Watch out, boys, Mommy’s on the war path!!!

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3 responses »

  1. Theresa Speacht

    Hysterical!!

    Reply
  2. I am sure that there are MANY moms out there that can relate to this blog. But seriously…..flush the toilet! LOL

    Reply

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