Bizarre Texts

I LOVE to text. It’s probably one of my most favorite things to do.

Like, totally!  (god I miss when we talked like that)

But really, I enjoy connecting with people on a quick, quirky level. I also like to stay in bed all day, watch Bradley Cooper interviews and eat hot dog buns slathered in butter and brown sugar sprinkled with orange Starbursts (Yes … only orange.  Don’t mess with me when I’m on one of these binges!) … wait, I’m sorry, what was I talking about?

Oh, yeah … texting.

I love the people who judge us “texters”. I heard this recently, “I don’t understand why people can’t just pick up the phone and call!!! – it is SO much easier and clearly more personal!!!” (Please say that with a disgusted exasperated voice in your head, preferably with a southern accent (or, what the hell, say it out loud! It’s Friday!!)) Ok. I get your point. And if I have something truly lengthy to share with you, I WILL call (spoiler alert: I’ll probably send you an email), but otherwise, you’re just gonna have to deal with my “impersonal” way of doing things!

I’m sorry, what’s your name again?

Anyway, more than just basic texts, I love to send bizarro ones. I do this sometimes with my friends (the ones who “get” me … so basically 2 people), but I try to keep my crazy contained to just the Hubby. That poor guy gets the brunt of my insanity. Here are a few examples from just the last few days:

“What if I stay lazy for the rest of my life?”

“I am so wound up it’s ridiculous. I probably have bi-polar disorder.”

“Sorry I suck”

“The ridiculousness in this house is ridiculous”

“You may not want to come home”

“Jesus Christ, someone shoot me”

“I’m sleepy with a side of headache :/”

“I just bought a Barry Manilou song. Sorry.”

“My contacts are glued to my eyeballs”

“Did you get the stool sample yet?” (yep)

“I think we should plan on dipping the house in bleach soon” (see previous text)

and the most frequently used text (less bizarre and more panicky):

“When will you be home?”

That last one usually gets ignored. And I guess if I were him, I’d ignore it too. It really just means I’m going crazy. I mean, the guy comes home the exact same time every night. I probably should just start texting “SAVE ME!!” as an alternative – it’s more accurate.

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