I Hate That My Kids Can Read

I remember the days when I could spell everything I wanted to say to the hubby, but didn’t want the kids to hear. Like “ice cream” and “toy” and “these kids are killing me”.

Yeah. Those days are over for us. And it sucks. Especially for a blabber mouth like me.

We’ve tried to resort to texting, but my guys are like Pavlov’s dogs when they hear that ding. I inevitably have one of them looking over my shoulder, breathing down my neck to catch a glimpse of what’s being said. And sadly it’s usually some version of

“It’s your turn to do bedtime”

“No, it’s yours”

And I feel like I need some sort of secret contraption when I’m on the laptop. I’m constantly slamming it shut as they go by with their sneaky little eyes. Between my obsessive need to look at the anorexic, divorcing celebrities on People magazine, reading inappropriate and often crass ecards on Pinterest and my potty mouth while writing this blog, my go-to stuff is NOT for kids … or mature adults, for that matter.

My daughter got a Kindle Fire for Christmas. We didn’t want to fork over the money for an iPad, nor did I feel an 11 year old needed one, so we compromised and went with the Fire. Let me just preface this with, I’m not really great when it comes to technology and, frankly, most of the time, I don’t get it. I recognize that in this day and age I should probably “get on that”, but there’s too much laundry to fold – and by that I mean, I have too much Walking Dead to catch up on.

So one day, Munch walks into my room and proceeds to ask me a question that literally knocked me off my axis.

Her: What’s 50 Shades of Grey?

I proceeded to black out for a minute.

Me: What?!

Her: It’s on my Kindle. There’s a book there called 50 Shades of Grey.

I immediately ran from the room, grabbed her Kindle, and threw it out the window like it was a live grenade.

But seriously, I may have shit my pants.

I had no idea that when I purchased that book on MY kindle, it would also go to HER kindle. I am, frankly, an idiot.

I’m pretty sure she was truthful when she said she didn’t open it. As with yesterday’s post, she pretty much can’t handle any of that “collision” stuff and I think she would have ended up screaming with her eyes bleeding half way into the book. I’m just going to live in my fantasy world and pretend she doesn’t even know that book exists anymore.

Looks like the next book I’ll be downloading will be Sheryl Sandberg’s Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead or Mother Teresa: An Authorized Biography.

mother t


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