Serious Damage

Bike riding is so much fun! Especially in the springtime, with the flowers starting to bloom and all the people outside appearing happy and content. Seriously, though, I truly hope they ARE happy and content. (Spoiler alert: They’re not)

The hubs LOVES to ride – he’ll go out for hours and hours and ride for miles and miles. His dedication is annoying as all hell inspirational. I do not ride with him … ever.


This is me on my bike 🙂

My partner in crime (one of my most favorite girlfriends) and I have started to bike more since we (stupidly and irrationally) signed up for a triathlon. Thank God I have her or I would never get out there. She’s not the pushy type AT ALL, so I’ve been training her to say things like “Get your ass out of bed!” or “Stop being such a lazy douchebag!” … but she won’t say them. The best she does is “Do you want to workout today? Only if you want to!” She’s way too nice.

So we’ve been doing this hilly course at a park close to our neighborhood. It is a truly beautiful ride, except for one little piece … the bumps. Let me tell ya, you don’t notice cracks and holes and uneven pavement all that much when you’re walking or running a course, but DAMN if you don’t FEEL it when you’re bike riding.

Holy shitballs.

I think I did some serious damage to my crotch yesterday.

And yeah, yeah – I should get those padded shorts that all the professional triathletes have, but come on! I’m a JOKE! I don’t buy professional stuff. All my workout stuff comes from Target.

When I went to the bathroom after the ride, I went cross-eyed and nearly passed out. The dog started howling from my piercing scream and every raccoon within a 3 mile radius shit it’s pants. I am going to have to find some sort of solution for this. A pillow? A bag of frozen peas? Tripling up on maxi pads?

Just not ride the bike?

YES! Yes, that’s it.

Problem solved 🙂



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