I Hate School Projects

… ok, I’m gonna say that again.


Between the two boys right now we are dealing with 3 school projects. I am officially miserable.

The first project – for the youngest – is Star of the Week, which sounds lovely and fun until (if you’re anything like me) you start feeling the debilitating pressure. I won’t go into the requirements for Star of the Week, but there are many. Like 5 many … which is 4 too many in my book. The main one is this …

A POSTER!!! – representing Guy’s life from birth to now. Um, yeah. How crazy this gets is completely up to you! Are you a good mom or a bad mom? Cause good moms make slide shows!! And bad moms? Well, read on, you’ll see what they do.

Of course my initial thought is to make an elaborate timeline with every picture framed in adorable scrapbooking paper and all details accurate down to the very minute they happened in his sweet adorable life. (p.s. the kid had a meltdown from 2007 to 2009 that we are just now recovering from)

Reality? At 9:30 last night, like any perfectly normal perfectionistic mother, I tore into Walgreens on two wheels for the photos I begged them to produce in 1 hour. I then proceeded to fly home and tape them randomly onto a poster board. Guy asked me this morning if he could just say whatever age he thought he was in the photos – since none of us have any clue his ACTUAL age in the photos. I said sure – go for it!

Mother of the Year!!

And by the way, I have to “write a letter about your child to read to the class”. EXCUSE ME?! That’s a shitload of pressure. How many ways can you say “he’s a great kid” and “we love him”. I’m pretty sure two sentences isn’t gonna cut it. I am totally screwed.

Second project – this would be for my middle. He needed to pick a Revolutionary War person, make a clay model of them, write a report about them (while also memorizing it for a presentation), and, bring in a costume to wear so that he looked like them.

Um, WHAT!?

And while I did previously have SCADS of Revolutionary war clothes lying around, I recently donated them to the Good Will. So we were SOL.

Oh, and by the way, the person he chose was Henry Knox. Seems innocent enough, right? Except that Henry Knox’s wife’s name was Lucy Flucker. Yes, FLUCKER. Did I mention her last name is Flucker? Can you say Flucker three times fast? Can you picture a group of 10 year old boys saying Flucker 10 times fast?? CAN YOU?? Then maybe, MAYBE, you can imagine the hell in my house.

Next project?

Amusement Park Day!! You have to pair up with a partner (because one 10 year old boy doing a project isn’t quite enough chaos) and create a carnival “game” (like with wood, a saw, hammers, and nails … perrrrrrrfect!) that has at least 3 of the “simple machines” they studied in science!!! Woohoo!!!

What the hell is a simple machine? No idea. But the 12 page packet for this project contained all the information I needed! It took me a day and a half … as well as a dictionary and a remedial online science class … to read through it.


Let’s face it, peeps. The bulk of these projects is on the parents. And I don’t know about you, but I’m BARELY keeping my head above water with “projects” I need to do every DAY – like laundry, dinner, soccer practices, cleaning, trips to the liquor store, and breathing. Plus, it’s the end of the year. Everyone is slacking off now. Especially me. I have senioritis BAD and I can’t seem to give two shits that AD’s model has a penis or that Guy’s poster looks like a ransom note.

I never thought I would say this, but thank God summer is almost here.



One response »

  1. Sloane was Person of The Week a couple of weeks ago and OMFG. Thank Goddess we live within walking distance of Hobby Lobby. I filled in the basic info and she put about $17 worth of stickers on it and I sent that shit back in.


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