Update: Charlotte

For those of you who have been waiting anxiously on the edge of your seats for the last 24 hours (in other words, no one), I am here to give you the Charlotte update!!  It is wildly anti-climactic and confusing in it’s state of non-issue-ness.  (like that?)

Guy ended up being, well … like a typical guy – but not in a bad way.  He handled this the healthiest out of the two of us … yeah, I’m an emotional black hole with a side of irrational anxiety – and that’s on a good day.  I told him it was time to release Charlotte – at this point she wasn’t even lifting her head (I picture her melodramatic here – “no one gives a shit about me, why even bother” – but that may be my own stuff) and was breathing so slowly that we were staring at her for minutes on end … the made up drama in this house is palpable.

We decided to release her across the street by the creek in our neighborhood (I got pleading texts from my stepmother who had desperately wanted to meet Charlotte – trust me, there WILL be a next time – but sometimes you just have to take the bull by the horns … or the the frog by the legs. Yeah, I just did that.)

Anywho, Guy carried her over to her final resting place the creek and placed her gently by the water.  No tears, no sadness … “there you go” he said sweetly.  I was the one who almost burst into tears.  “Is she ok?” I kept asking, over and over.  “Yeah, Mom, she’s fine.” he said, until he finally started just ignoring me.

I have resisted at least 12 times to go “check” on her.  I’ve decided this must be what sending your kids to college is like.  Is she eating enough?  Is she safe?  Is she getting enough sleep?  Is she scared out of her mind?  Is she binge drinking and smoking weed all week long?  I can barely handle this.  And just a reminder … she’s a frog.  Maybe.  That we had for 1 week.

It’ll get easier with the kid thing, though, right?  These three crazies will grow up and annoy the shit out of me and I’ll be kicking their butts out of the house happily.  Right?  RIGHT?!

The Hubs is reading this right now and sighing.  Between the kids leaving right around the time I’ll be hitting menopause and our dog’s eventual death coinciding, I am going to be one crazy hot mess.


All the more reason to live in the NOW.  I am going to continue to resist checking on Charlotte.  She is FIIIIIIINE!  We taught her everything she needs (nothing) and gave her all the love we could (we only let her out of the plastic container once).  She knows she can always come back if there’s a problem (she has no idea where we live).  We are here for her (I hope she doesn’t hop over to our driveway – I will, most likely, accidentally run her over.  I’m a really good shitty driver – as my neighbors know.)

Au revoir, Charlotte!!  We love you! (seriously, you were so gross)



One response »

  1. Oh no, Aiden and Jaysin found a toad/frog yesterday near the creek, I hope it’s not Charlotte. 😦


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