While dealing with a lovely sinus infection that allowed me to be up from 1am to 4am the other night (the nasal passage is truly the sweetheart of the body; that, or a raging crack addicted whore), I ran across the acronym OMB. Now I know I’m always joking about being online all the time (am I joking?), but when it comes to these wackadoodle letters, I’m typically pretty clueless. Enter the 12 year old … she knows all. But again, I remind you, it was the middle of the fucking night and, while I’m crazy, I’m not that much of a lunatic that I would wake her to ask her what OMB stands for … although if push came to shove …

So I did a little research. Apparently OMB legitimately stands for Office of Management and Budget at the White House. But I’m thinking that Brooke Burke’s website is not that interested in financial, manage-y political things. By the way, her OMB stands for Oh My Bod … which I’m sure is devastating for her. Talking about her six pack and her finely toned whatevers must be so exhausting for her. She is truly courageous in discussing this taboo subject.  (I’m not the least bit bitter)

I hit Urban Dictionary next because, well, that’s where all the cool kids shop. Hmmmmm, OMB stands for Old Man Balls. Ew.

Then there was a debate on one website as to whether or not it stood for Oh My Beelzebub (as an antithesis to Oh My God) or Oh My Beiber (my personal favorite). Sorry ahead of time to my friends who will now be receiving these texts from me: OMB!!! I just saw the cutest (insert something asinine here)!!!

When I finally dragged my sleep deprived ass out of bed, I murmured to the kids – what does OMB stand for? – while I poured coffee straight from the carafe into my pie hole.

Munch: Not sure. But OMQ stands for Oh My Quack

Guy: Yeah. And OMC stands for Oh My Cheese!

WTF? Really? Alright, fine. I’m gonna start coming up with all my own shit. I don’t even care if they make any sense. OMM is Oh My Milkshake – which means my ass is getting fatter. And OMW is Oh My, Wasted (so maybe it should be OM,W?) – which is pretty self explanatory. OMV is Oh My Vagina – which basically only applies after a bike ride. And OMT is Oh My Tit – for after a mammogram … or a really bad meal.

Lastly OMFGTKBSFOIMGBC or Oh My Fucking God These Kids Better Stop Fighting Or I May Go Batshit Crazy … for those gloriously long summer months.  Can’t wait!!!



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