By now you’ve all heard. And if you’re anything like me
which you’re not, thank god you are absolutely REELING.
And, no, I’m not referring to the reeling, whirling, and spinning you’ve been doing while listening to the Frozen soundtrack … in particular “Let It Go” in which
I you have the dance moves choreographed (yes, even the running up the stairs part) while I you belt out the way-too-close-to-home oddly personal lyrics.
No, I’m referring to my dear friend Brooke.
You know, Brooke Burke-Chaaaaaaaaaaaarvet.
I’m sure you’ve been wondering why I haven’t posted anything in awhile. And while, yes, I’ve been spending scads of quality snow time with my children, in which I’ve been heard muttering phrases like, “why???????????????????????” and “saaaaaaaaaaave me!” and “get your own f-ing lunch!!!”, that is not what’s been preventing me from writing.
It’s been a rough couple weeks for my bestie, Brooke. She’s needed me. While she has presented quite the formidable front, she is, truly, dying inside. (part of that, too, may be that she’s being slowly strangled to death by her own (totally legitimate!) product, the Baboosh Body Unisex Sports Wrap)
This tweet came out and I knew I had to intervene.
We’re at a point now where she’s gouged her own eyes out, people!!! There’s no other way to interpret this. This attempt at self-mutilation garnered no sympathy from me, I’ll tell you!! Her body still looks amazing.
Jerk. And according to her (and ALLLLLLLLLLL she ever talks about), in the grand scheme of life, the body’s the most important thing. (Can I get an AMEN!!!) And who needs eyes anyway when you’re married to this hideous creature.
I’ve been encouraging her to get out and DO THINGS. Don’t share this with anyone, but she would give a three-toed sloth a run for it’s money in the laziness department.
But, seriously, guys, I *heart* her. xoxoxoxoxo
Anyway, she tweeted this, which gave me hope …
… until I found her (in her trademark sports bra and black capri yoga pants) sobbing at the LA museum she and her son’s teacher took 36 elementary kids to, begging strangers to “LOOK AT ME!!!” … and dancing around a life-sized spotted hyena like a lunatic screaming, “I CAN DANCE!!! SEE!!!!!! DO YOU SEE ME, TOM?!”
(and, no, the hyena’s name was not Tom)
Ugh. That was a low point.
And you don’t want to KNOW what she tweeted before this one went out …
It may have looked something like this …
To be continued …