The Evolution of Summer

Day 1:

We will make lots of lists!  Lists of books we want to read!  Lists of chores to do!  Lists of activities we CAN’T WAIT to do!  Lists of healthy snacks and foods we will eat all summer long!

I will choose a book to read to all the kids at night … we will laugh out loud at the funny parts, cry at the sad parts, and have deeply intellectual discussions about the plot line!

They will do some sort of math worksheet every day.  Happily!

We will make a schedule of how our days will go!  Something like this … please note the adorable font:

day 1 schedule

(I have no idea where this came from)

We will make a Pinterest-worthy chore chart that will be equal parts charming and user friendly.  There WILL BE puffy paint and glitter.

We will go to the pool that we paid a king’s ransom to belong to EVERY DAY!  We will be happy about it and we will not complain about suntan lotion application (including me)!

We will discuss which day of the week we will go to the library … because, YES!, we will go to the library once a week!

We will be excited and happy and looking forward to the BEST SUMMER yet!!

 

Day 16:

We are still mildly enthused about the summer, but it’s not going quite as planned.  Chore chart worked for awhile, but now we can’t remember if the check marks are from today or yesterday and certain people, i.e. children, are lying about whether or not they’ve completed tasks.  Everyone has mastered their innocent face.  Including me, for when the Hubs gets home.

We’ve gone to Dairy Queen and Rita’s six times.

We’re following a schedule, but it doesn’t quite look like what we laid out.  Electronics seems to be creeping in outside of their scheduled time allotment.

I have read the novel we picked out 7 times, but everyone hates it.  Including me.  Most of our discussions revolve around how stupid the book is.

We’ve been to the pool 3 times and the library once.

Upside?  I’m sleeping til 10am everyday.  I have no idea what the kids are doing from when they wake up until I wake up.

 

Day 42:

The inmates are running the asylum.

The chore chart was burned in the backyard weeks ago in a sort of Lord of the Flies type ritual.  The daily schedule has been vetoed after “someone” started printing it out in “crazy killer” font.

schedule crazy

We hate summer and find it excruciatingly boring.

The house is a tangled mess of blankets, Fruit Loops, and dirty socks.  The TV is on at all times except when the Hubs comes home … when there is some kind of silent agreement between the 4 of us that he is NOT TO KNOW what happens during the days … I might as well yell, “PLACES EVERYONE!” when he pulls into the driveway.

The people at DQ start hurriedly making our order when they see us pull into the parking lot.

I don’t get out of bed until noon.

Electronics are played round the clock and I convince myself, as a form of mother-guilt self preservation, that there are incredible, believable, HEALTHY benefits to the kids playing them ALL THE TIME.

We’ve hit the pool a few more times, but everyone bitches about suntan lotion and there not being enough snacks and there not being enough to do and it’s too hot and their friends aren’t there.  Actually, that might just be me.

The kids have a healthy glow, but I have 3rd degree burns from forgetting to apply suntan lotion to myself.

We’ve abandoned our novel mostly because I now go to bed at 6pm with a bottle of wine.

Not one math worksheet has been done yet.

 

Day 60:

Two weeks til school starts!!  Backpacks have been filled with school supplies purchased weeks ago.  They are propped up by the front door.  Every time I see them I get giddy.

The kids have informed us at least 100 times that this was the most boring summer ever and they hate the pool.

We owe the library $76.25 for the books we checked out at the beginning of the summer.

The kids now have third degree burns from lack of suntan lotion application.

The Hubs calls twice a day to “check in” … really he’s making sure the kids are still alive and I haven’t pulled a Thelma and Louise with my best friend.

No one, including me, remembers what 1 + 3 equals.

HAPPY SUMMER EVERYONE!!! MAY THE ODDS BE EVER IN YOUR FAVOR!

No, but seriously … good luck.

pool

 

 

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13 responses »

  1. Nailed it. I love how you start out at 7 then sleep till 10 then don’t get up till noon (and that you go to bed at 6 w/ a bottle of wine). This kinda sounds like our summer this yr. Pool every day. Oh, and I once literally has a $50 bill at the effing library. I could have bought the effing books for that much.

    I did a post last year kinda like this only it was at the end of summer. If your interested: http://onefunnymotha.com/2013/08/20/tweet/

    Reply
  2. Yes, exactly! Every. Single. Year! Lol!

    Reply
  3. This was hilarious and awesome and brutally true!

    Reply
  4. You described my (every) summer EXACTLY–right down to the bottle of wine in bed. Absolutely hilarious! PLACES EVERYONE!

    Reply
  5. This is hilarious. And scarily accurate.

    Reply
  6. This is the summer I worry about because the kids are old enough to articulate to my husband exactly what we did all day. Great post!

    Reply
  7. “The inmates are running the asylum.” I think I’m soooo going to love hanging out at your blog, lady 🙂

    Reply

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