Monthly Archives: October 2013

“Et tu, Brute?”: The Ultimate Kid Betrayal

There are few things I get more fired up about than injustice.  And, man, did it hit home the other day.  I was furiously happily sorting through my youngest’s backpack searching for the homeroom mom letter he never gave me when I stumbled upon THIS …


WTF is this?!?!  Are you kidding me?

No, really.  Are you kidding me?!?!

And this isn’t the first time this has happened.  Last year, the oldest, Munch, wrote an entire essay … an ESSAY … on her hero.  Guess who.  Yep … the Hubs.

I think the most horrific part of this particular betrayal (yes, BETRAYAL) is the first line … “he helps me when I’m sad”.  UM … EXCUSE ME!!  I’ve been a stay at home mom for 13 years and DAD’S the one that has helped you when you were sad.  DAD?!


Munch was at least sheepish when she told me her essay would be on her father and not her mother.  I told her it was wonderful, blah, blah, blah … all the psychologically correct bullshit you’re supposed to lay on them … but all I could think about were the times I was cleaning up her vomit, wiping her crap-covered ass, and waiting out her epic tantrums so we could go to the grocery store only for her to have one again.

But, yes, of course your father is your hero.  It only makes sense.

By the way, I can hear you over there!  Drinking your coffee (slurping, really, if we were to be honest), reading this and mumbling “Bitter much?” … but you all feel the same way.  Don’t deny it.  A little gratitude would be nice from these maniacs we’ve been attempting to raise.

It reminds me of that scene in Parenthood (the movie) where the father imagines the future and sees his kid graduating top honors and his speech is all about how his dad made him who he is today.  Come on!  Everybody wants a little of that!  YES – EVEN YOU!!  Now stop slurping.

(Of course the better part of that movie is when he imagines the future and sees his son shooting up a crowd like a crazed lunatic while someone is yelling, “His father really screwed him up!!”)

Of course this photo here is how I deal with all levels of injustice … from Shawshank Redemption to … well, I can’t think of a worse injustice than what that poor man went through in Shawshank Redemption (which, by the way, is on TV right now … because it’s ALWAYS on TV)


I truly have no idea why they would pick him over me.  I’m sure it has nothing to do with the fact that he is physically and mentally fit, friendly and kind, helpful to a fault and always has time for his kids. Whatevs …

Doesn’t anyone remember the time I let you eat all that raw cookie dough?!  OH, you lauded me as the “best mom ever” and all kinds of other crap that I believed.  I BELIEVED you!!  (this is starting to sound like a bad break-up)

No, no – please.  Keep your father as your hero.  You’re gonna need him.  Momma’s gonna make your life a living hell now!  I’m so happy you chose him.  Seriously, he really does deserve it.

P.S. I’ve already now made it my life’s mission to “make” one of these essays.  I’m adopting a baby from Somalia, stocking the local food bank, giving hundreds of dollars to homeless people on the street, donating all of my bone marrow to a local hospital and getting the kids an X box.

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