I realize in the small, tiny, minuscule part of my brain that still sends out frantic emails to the rest of my brain begging it to stop that what I’m about to propose is slightly insane, not to mention unhygienic, but hear me out …
I don’t find showering a necessity anymore. In fact, once a week sounds like a lot to me. Maybe even overkill.
Yep. It’s out there now. Might as well run with it …
Argument #1:
I’m gonna get dirty again in 60 seconds anyway. Why bother?
(by the way, this is my same reasoning for cleaning the house … am I right????)
Argument #2:
It takes too long and I have better things to do.
Argument #3:
Once I’m in there, I have nothing better to do, so I stay under that hot water for days wondering why I would ever leave … inevitably falling behind on Masters of Sex or Homeland or (insert wildly inappropriate cursing and sex filled grown up show here). Plus there’s all that shriveled up skin.
And yes, I do find myself in a tiara after a shower. It’s a thing.
Argument #4:
It takes too long and I have better things to do.
Argument #5:
I’m not THAT dirty, for god’s sake!
Me. Fresh out of bed.
Argument #6:
Dreadlocks are coming back.
Look! It’s Lady Gaga! They must be back!!!
Argument #7:
Don’t even try to pull the sex card. We all know you’re not doing it every night. Or every week. Shut your face.
You. Pretending to be asleep.
Argument #8:
Saving water. Saving $$$$ … nuff said.
I threw the puppy in there as a subliminal message to my hubby. I really want a puppy.
Argument #9:
Saving water. SAVING THE ENVIRONMENT. And what better cause!
I found this adorable picture on a blog entitled “Bears Will Eat You”
Argument #10:
It takes too long and I have better things to do.
As you can see, all of these arguments are both sound and scientifically proven. Any disagreement with these exceptional arguments would only make you end up looking stupid. And neither one of us wants that.
Let the revolution BEGIN!!!
Me. Last week.
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